Alicia

Ask me anything  

Married to my best friend. Mother to our little one, Connor (7/14/14).

Parenting. Life. Fitness. Science. Love.


Socialism:You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
Communism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism:You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation:You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A French Corporation:You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Corporation:You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
An Italian Corporation:You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation:You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Chinese Corporation:You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation:Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
Counter Culture:'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism:You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Apathyologism:You have 2 cows. You do not care.
Fatalist:You have 2 doomed cows...
Atheism:You have 2 cows. There is no God.
A West-Country Corporation:You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A Brazilian Corporation:You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
Russia:You have two cows. Since they are both female, if you happen to keep them in the same stable you will pay a 5,000 rouble fine for homosexual propaganda.
PETA:You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
Moffat:You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England. As you assume the throne, you throw them off a building.
Hussie:You have 2 cows. You ask for another one. Instead of getting just 1 cow, you get 2,485,506 cows.
Romney:You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
Once-ler:You have 1 cow. Everyone decides to make 5 different versions of that cow.
Old Spice:You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
An Irish Corporation:You have a million cows because they're everywhere
Tumblr:You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
Also Tumblr:I give you a hamburger.
Night Vale:You do NOT have two cows. Cows do not exist. What's a cow? Show me a cow! That's not a cow! Who let you in here?
Tom Hiddleston:You have two cows. You are very sorry for them.
Thranduil:You do not have two cows, you have an elk. Riding on two cows is not majestic. Also the dwarves are on fire.
Dwarves:You had two cows but now they're on fire.
Bilbo Baggins:You did not invite those two cows for dinner.
Cows:The shit you go through.
This post:Started off as a post that explained different goverments but then everything changed when the fire nation attacked
— 3 weeks ago with 683417 notes

hikki-ko-mori:

so i was taking a bath

a bubble bath to be specific

i used half a bar of lush’s comforter (however you fucking spell it) and this happened

image

crazy right? i think my mom’s tub is made of magic powers or something

so i had a nice bath, watched some cry plays on my ipad

and i drained my tub

i came down to my room, two floors down in the basement

and i am greeted with this

image

i cAN”T FUCKInG BREATHE

(Source: kikuchimoa, via queso-whore)

— 1 month ago with 415028 notes
#bubble bath  #extreme  #funny  #lol  #funny pics 
7 Things I Wish Parents Would Stop Teaching Their Children:

goddess-river:

  1. That nudity is inherently sexual
  2. That people should be judged for their personal decisions
  3. That yelling solves problems
  4. That they are too young to be talking about the things they’re already starting to ask questions about
  5. That age correlates to importance
  6. That interacting with someone of the opposite sex is inherently romantic
  7. That the default for someone is straight and cisgender

(Source: moon-sylph, via sunflower-mama)

— 2 months ago with 297841 notes

the-exercist:

Resource Masterlist: Running Edition

Proper Form:

What to Wear:

How to Fit Running Shoes:

Basic Beginner Tips:

How to Have a Good Run:

Running on a Treadmill:

Aches and Pains:

Training Plans:

Stretching:

Eating for a Run:

Music:

Find a Race:

Check out additional masterlists over here

(via gabigettingfit)

— 2 months ago with 3631 notes
#running 

awkwardnarturtle:

i-mahu:

There’s two types of anger one is dry and the other wet and basically wet anger is when your eyes water and your voice shakes and I hate that cause I feel weak when I’m crying while angry I like dry anger when your face is like stone and your voice is sharp I guess wet anger shows that you care too much and dry anger means you’re done.

This is the best description ever

I have never thought of it this way, but this is the best description ever.

(via lilmisstini23)

— 2 months ago with 352962 notes
#anger 
Oh I’m excited to watch Connor grow up and see him and James do cute things. (:

Oh I’m excited to watch Connor grow up and see him and James do cute things. (:

(Source: onlybabies, via babytophlovesdance)

— 2 months ago with 352550 notes
"At what point do you take girls out of school altogether because boys can’t handle it?"

Parent of a female teen whose school banned leggings

#yesallwomen have a right to an education without fashion policing by sexist administrators

(via meetingsinthedesert)

^ this, tho… the message in these ridiculous dress codes remains “boys deserve an undistracted education, and you-GIRL-are a distraction… and your education comes second. You should be grateful, anyway… it’s really more than you deserve.” and i actually am not going to repeat how it reinforces rape culture because really, i’m just so damn tired of the messages we send young women about being nothing more than an accesory in a man’s life… fuck that. and fuck awful myopic dress codes… (via ginandbird)

This parent is right.  The school is sending a message that girls’ clothes are supposed to distract boys; that boys can use them as an excuse, that girls when assaulted should blame themselves because they must have worn the wrong thing, because their clothes made them unfit to mingle with their peers.  Have I got that right? (rhetorical)

(via captainlrg)

— 2 months ago with 248872 notes
gaywrites:

We went to the party, and, as I figured, some of the guests laughed and made comments. One said to me, “Do you think this is funny? There are kids here. You want them to see this?” Another said, “You want him to be gay?”  

And I stayed calm. And I explained to them the best I could that there is no correlation between kids cross-dressing and being gay. And if he is gay, it’s not because of anything I did. It’s because he’s gay. And maybe it’s a stage. And maybe it’s not. But either way, I don’t want him to ever feel like he wasn’t able to express himself because his parents didn’t support him. And some understood. And some, trapped by religion or ignorance, gave us the stank face. 

Plenty of people are supportive. They’ll see my kids — Sydney with her long dirty blonde hair, and Asher with his short dark hair, and say, “I love your daughter’s pixie cut.” When I tell them he’s my son, they smile and say, “I love it.” They also apologize for confusing his gender, but I tell them, “Don’t apologize. He’s in a purple dress with sparkly shoes. How would you know?” I know there are parents who get worked up when you confuse their kids’ gender, but I’m not one of them.

I get home before my wife most nights, so I was taking the kids out to walk our dog. They were dressing up in different outfits, my daughter treating Asher like her doll, as she tried various dresses, shoes, and headbands on him. And then Sydney told me she wanted me to wear a dress, too — “Oh my god, it will be so funny.”

I said, “No,” but she kept begging. I said, “People will laugh at me.” She said, “If they do, I’ll tell them to go away.” And I couldn’t argue with that, as I squeezed myself into Carrie’s most flexible dress. We walked the dog on our block, and the pleasure my kids took in seeing their dad go out of his comfort zone trumped the humiliation I felt.

Carrie pulled up to the house, and I saw her slacked jaw from the end of the street. She laughed. She took a picture. And she told me I better not rip her dress. And then we all went for a pizza.


(My Son Wears Dresses And That’s OK With Me | Seth Menachem for xoJane)

gaywrites:

We went to the party, and, as I figured, some of the guests laughed and made comments. One said to me, “Do you think this is funny? There are kids here. You want them to see this?” Another said, “You want him to be gay?”  
And I stayed calm. And I explained to them the best I could that there is no correlation between kids cross-dressing and being gay. And if he is gay, it’s not because of anything I did. It’s because he’s gay. And maybe it’s a stage. And maybe it’s not. But either way, I don’t want him to ever feel like he wasn’t able to express himself because his parents didn’t support him. And some understood. And some, trapped by religion or ignorance, gave us the stank face. 
Plenty of people are supportive. They’ll see my kids — Sydney with her long dirty blonde hair, and Asher with his short dark hair, and say, “I love your daughter’s pixie cut.” When I tell them he’s my son, they smile and say, “I love it.” They also apologize for confusing his gender, but I tell them, “Don’t apologize. He’s in a purple dress with sparkly shoes. How would you know?” I know there are parents who get worked up when you confuse their kids’ gender, but I’m not one of them.
I get home before my wife most nights, so I was taking the kids out to walk our dog. They were dressing up in different outfits, my daughter treating Asher like her doll, as she tried various dresses, shoes, and headbands on him. And then Sydney told me she wanted me to wear a dress, too — “Oh my god, it will be so funny.”
I said, “No,” but she kept begging. I said, “People will laugh at me.” She said, “If they do, I’ll tell them to go away.” And I couldn’t argue with that, as I squeezed myself into Carrie’s most flexible dress. We walked the dog on our block, and the pleasure my kids took in seeing their dad go out of his comfort zone trumped the humiliation I felt.
Carrie pulled up to the house, and I saw her slacked jaw from the end of the street. She laughed. She took a picture. And she told me I better not rip her dress. And then we all went for a pizza.

(via captainlrg)

— 2 months ago with 73269 notes

1-simple-song:

I really don’t understand why people choose to go out and eat at a restaurant. Like, how is it pleasurable? How does it not fill you with panic? Fuck :( 

I used to have this problem— the fear of losing control and fear of the unknown. I didn’t know how it was made, ingredients in the food, the weight, etc.

My issues were less about the food/restaurant and more about the need to control environment around me.

Start writing. Write down thoughts, emotions, fears, hopes. Everything. It’s easy to see and makes it more concrete.

My advice to start eating out is to start small— have someone else prepare your meal and make your plates. Eventually you can go out to places where you’re in more control of the food (subway), followed by a “normal” eatery.

This isn’t one size fits all, but this is what helped me have a more “normal” relationship with food.

— 2 months ago with 2 notes
#eating disoder recovery 
"If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph."

Unknown (via thexpotent)

This hit me harder than I expected.

(via isarian450)

(Source: foreverthecuriousone, via something--shiny)

— 2 months ago with 409573 notes

jackadorian:

kitd-fohs:

salmonslushie:

i saw this on one of those strange little picture slideshow websites so i decided to post it ;) have fun kids

I have found heaven and it’s full of liquor

withapeterpancomplex

(via dee-elizabeth)

— 2 months ago with 161293 notes